


Anticipation

by orkestrations



Series: Gender is Hard 'verse [31]
Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Anxiety, Dogs, Family Drama, Family Feels, Gen, I don't know how to tag this, Service Dogs
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-19
Updated: 2019-12-19
Packaged: 2021-02-25 21:08:11
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,067
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21861967
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orkestrations/pseuds/orkestrations
Summary: Virgil is waiting for an email.
Relationships: Anxiety | Virgil Sanders & Morality | Patton Sanders
Series: Gender is Hard 'verse [31]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/938943
Comments: 19
Kudos: 96





	Anticipation

**Author's Note:**

> Pronouns:  
> Virgil, they/them  
> Patton, he/him
> 
> Warnings: mentions of past child abuse; food; anxiety; panic attack mention

“You… stress-cleaned the entire apartment.”

Virgil looked down at the broom still in their hand.

“Yes?” they replied, shrugging and looking back up at Patton, who had just walked in the door. He had a wide-eyed, flabbergasted expression on his face. “I had been working on the Nyssa draft, but then I went to coffee with October, and when I got back I couldn’t focus on it _at all_ so I… stress-cleaned the entire apartment, yeah.”

Patton shook his head and continued to take off his shoes. “I guess that’s one way to get it done. So you haven’t heard back from Artemisia yet?”

“No, I haven’t.” They followed Patton into the kitchen. “It’s been two days, Patton. What if they’re never going to reply? What if they hate me? I mean, they probably do, I mean, I would too—”

“Virgil,” Patton said, cutting them off as he put his bag on the kitchen table. He turned and placed his hands on Virgil’s shoulders, looking up at their face. “Just because they haven’t replied yet doesn’t mean they hate you. They’re probably just taking their time to reply. It’s a complicated situation that they probably have a lot of complicated feelings about, so it’s probably taking them some time to talk through it.”

Virgil nodded, and as they did, they realized their breathing had picked up pace so, for a couple moments, they stood there, Patton’s hands on their shoulders, as they counted breaths until they were back to baseline.

“You, you’re probably right,” they replied. They leaned the broom against the kitchen table and then finished closing the distance between the two of them. Patton hugged back, squeezing them tight, but not too tight.

“I know you and Caoimhe went to coffee with October today, but how about we go take her for a walk now? Maybe to the dog park?” Patton said, drawing away a little bit to look up at Virgil. Virgil glanced down at him before nodding.

“Yeah, sure,” they replied. “A walk sounds… nice.”

Caoimhe, as if summed by magic words, bounded up, her tail wagging as she sat down next to the humans. Patton reached down to pet her and scratch her ears while Virgil fetched her leash.

The afternoon was sunny and bright, after having rained for most of the day, which meant Virgil was wearing their sunglasses out, since the combination of bright sky and reflection off wet surfaces meant it was way beyond too bright for their eyes. Rather than going through the whole process of putting their boots on, Virgil just slid their purple vans on and shrugged on their jacket as Patton put the shoes on which he had just taken off.

The dog park was busy when they got there. It was 4:30 on a nice Friday afternoon, so that was to be expected, but still. At least Patton was there with Virgil, so when they let Caoimhe off leash and flung the tennis ball for her, they had some support.

Honestly, Virgil had used to look back and wonder what _happened_ to make them so uneasy in groups of people. Of course, looking back at their whole life made it pretty obvious that they’d always had anxiety, a lot of it, they had just been better at masking it when they were a teenager and when they were living with their ex.

And, well, now they didn’t need to.

“Aw, look at that puppy!” Patton gushed, and Virgil followed his pointing finger to look at a golden retriever puppy who was playing with a mini-Aussie.

“Yeah, cute,” Virgil replied, the corner of their mouth tilting up in a small half-smile.

They walked around the park with Caoimhe, throwing the ball for her, playing tug-of-war with her, and occasionally letting her play with another person’s dog (if both parties agreed and both dogs were well-behaved).

“Patton?” someone called out, prompting both of them to pause and turn. An average-height woman was walking towards them, her long brown hair done in two French braids.

“Kit!” Patton replied, grinning at her and opening his arms for a hug. “I didn’t know you lived near here!”

She hugged him back. “Well, I didn’t know you did either.” She stepped back and glanced over at Virgil. “Who’s this?”

“Oh, yeah, Kit, this is my roommate, Virgil.” Virgil held one hand up in a small wave. “Virgil, this is Kit. She teaches fifth grade at my school.”

“It’s nice to meet you,” Kit said, holding her hand out. Virgil shook it. “You’re taller than I thought you’d be.”

Virgil looked over at Patton, smirking. “You talk about me? How dare you.”

“Of course I talk about you,” Patton said, laughing. “Only good things, I promise!”

“Better be,” Virgil replied, nudging him with their shoulder. Caoimhe chose that moment to run up, tennis ball in her mouth.

“Oh, is this your dog?” Kit asked. She was walking her dog on-leash, some sort of pit bull mix.

“Yeah, she’s Virgil’s,” Patton replied. “Her name’s Caoimhe.”

“Oh, I like that,” Kit replied. “This is Garby, he’s a mutt.”

“What’s Garby short for?” Virgil asked as they threw Caoimhe’s ball for her again.

Kit blushed. “Garbage Can the Trash Man,” she replied. “My brother named him.”

Virgil and Patton both burst out laughing.

“Oh, that’s great,” Virgil said, shaking their head. “Oh, that—that’s _beautiful_.”

The three of them chatted for a couple more moments, just inane small talk, until Virgil subtly tugged on Patton’s shoulder, cuing him that they were running out of people patience.

“It’s nice to see you Kit, but we were just on our way out,” Patton replied. “I’ll see you on Monday!”

“Yeah, of course!” Kit replied, waving at them as Virgil clipped Caoimhe’s leash back on. “It was nice meeting you, Virgil.”

“Yeah, you too,” they replied, giving her another small wave as Patton hooked his arm around theirs. They walked home together that way.

Once there, Virgil channeled their apartment-cleaning frenzy into cooking dinner while Patton sat down at the table to grade worksheets. Virgil hooked their phone up to the Bluetooth speaker and played one of their more upbeat playlists as they worked on a simple stir-fry.

It was ready earlier than they normally ate, but whatever. Virgil just had a lot of energy, and after dinner, that turned back into cleaning energy.

“Hey, at least all this frantic cleaning means you’ll probably sleep well tonight, right?” Patton suggested, chuckling a little. He was half-joking, Virgil could tell, but half-serious, too.

“Only if they reply back,” they replied, shaking their head. “If they don’t, well, I probably won’t be able to sleep at all. It was luck that I slept at all last night.”

Patton was quiet for a few moments before speaking again. “Have you taken—”

“My meds?” Virgil finished. “Yes. That’s why I’m,” they paused to gesture wildly with their hands at the whole apartment, “rather than curled up in a corner having a panic attack or something.”

Patton nodded.

Virgil was checking their phone often, at a regular interval of every two minutes. That was their compromise with themselves—every time it had buzzed had sent a fresh jolt of anxiety, so they had just silenced it and instead checked it for new notifications.

The email finally arrived at 8:43 that night. Seeing that notification had Virgil flopping onto the couch like all their strings had been cut. Caoimhe climbed onto their lap, pinning them down and keeping them grounded.

“Is that… it?” Patton asked. Virgil could only nod in reply. “Do you want me to come over and read it with you?”

Virgil shook their head. “Not… to start with.”

“Alright. Let me know if you need me. I love you.”

Virgil nodded. “Love you too.”

They opened the email.

_From: atstokes75@gmail.com_

_Dear Virgil,_ (Was that a good sign or was she just being polite?)

_I can’t lie, that was_ not _a response I had considered at all a possibility. I have spoken with your father, and he is included in the writing of this email. This is a decision we have reached together._

_I will start by saying that, yes, I am still interested in commissioning you. Past history or not, you are a brilliant writer. The world you’ve created is rich and wonderful, and to be honest, the existence of the Amberfell books and the knowledge that you are the author of them has played a part in our decision-making process._

_Your honesty and apology are worth a lot, to both your father and I. The Fi we knew, who left seven and a half years ago, would not have had the same integrity you are now showing. We haven’t spoken with your siblings yet, and it will be up to them if they accept your apology too, but as for your father and I, consider it accepted._

_We already mentioned that your identity as VT Callahan has played a part in our decision, and it cannot be overstated how much it has. We’ve been following you for about a year now, since we first discovered the Amberfell books. You have spoken on social media about how much Nyssa’s story is a reflection of yours, and that says a lot about your experiences and the kind of person you are now. Your father and I would both like to apologize to you, as well. If your story mirrors Nyssa’s as closely as you say it does, then we’re sorry that we missed all the signs of abuse._

_It was easy to accept your apology, with a year’s worth of proof that you’re a better person._

_Your father would also like to speak with you more, if you’d call or text him. His phone number hasn’t changed and he’s still teaching, so weekends and evenings would be the best times._

_I look forward to discussing the commission with you_

_Artemisia Teri Stokes_

_(she/her/hers)_

Virgil dropped their phone onto the couch, arm flopping down as the contents of the email started sinking in.

“So. That’s good. I think that’s good,” they eventually said. “It wasn’t a ‘we hate you, never contact us again’, and she still wants to move forward on the commission, so.”

“If it wasn’t a ‘we hate you, never contact us again’, then what was it?” Patton asked, setting his pencil down and looking over.

Virgil shrugged. “I think it was a ‘let’s talk’. At least… on my dad’s end, it was. Maybe on hers, too? It said in the email that… he wanted to talk to me, if I’d call or text him.”

“Are you going too?”

They bolted upright, throwing Caoimhe off their lap. “Of course! I mean. That. That’s my dad. I…” They paused and shook their head. “I’ve fucking missed him.”

Patton sighed. “Yeah. I know you have.” He stood up, pushed his chair in, and walked over to sit down next to Virgil on the couch. Virgil leaned over, resting their head on his shoulder. “When do you think you will reach out?”

Virgil shrugged. “…Tomorrow? It’s… it’s a little late tonight.”

“Tomorrow, then,” Patton said, nodding. His cheek rubbed against the top of Virgil’s head. “What about your siblings? Do you know if they know yet?”

“They don’t,” Virgil replied. “I’m not sure… how I’d tell them, honestly, or even how I’d get into contact. Probably… probably through my dad and Artemisia?”

“Probably,” Patton agreed. “You have an appointment coming up soon with Emile, right?”

“Wednesday.”

“You’re probably planning on talking to him about it then, aren’t you.”

Virgil nodded. “And I can… probably ask my dad about it, too, if, if things seem to… if it seems to go well, with him.”

“That’s a good idea. He probably knows them pre-tty darn well,” Patton said. “My parents wouldn’t mind if you called them about it again, too.”

“I might do that,” Virgil said.

The conversation petered out, and they sat there in the quiet for a few moments.

“Hey,” Patton broke the quiet, “do you wanna watch a movie? Megamind? How to Train Your Dragon? Nightmare Before Christmas?”

Virgil chuckled. “Why are all our favorites animated?” They stood up and stretched their arms over their head. “You decide. I’ll make the popcorn.”

“Dragons it is!” Patton said, jumping to his feet to put in the movie.

**Author's Note:**

> I know I told some of you to look for this on Wednesday, and I sincerely intended to post this yesterday! I just needed to race a storm to my parents' place (so that I wasn't crossing the pass in bad conditions) and when I got there, my parents had gotten a new wi-fi router and stuff so I. Didn't have wi-fi until this morning because they were asleep when I got there lol.  
> Anyways, happy Virgil's Birthday! Appropriate day to post this, lol.  
> If you enjoyed, please leave a kudos! If you can, please comment and let me know what you thought. Concrit accepted and welcomed.  
> Come bug me on tumblr [@orkestrations](orkestrations.tumblr.com)  
> Thank you for reading!  
> With love,  
> Kestrel Daniel  
> (he/him, they/them, fae/faer)  
> PS this breaks the 70k milestone for this fic series. Here's to many more words!


End file.
